Fall in Line

Fall is the time of the year when we spend a lot of time crawling along mountain roads behind slow moving RVs. This gives us plenty of time to ponder their names. Names like: Puma, Hornet, Fleetwood. Prowler, Wildcat, Bounder, Bobcat, Bullet, Sprinter, Eagle ... and, my most favorite of all, Gazelle, one of quickest and most agile of all animals.

These RVs seem terribly misnamed. Shouldn't the names be more like this: Slug, molasses, night crawler or, perhaps best of all, "Cow".

On the other hand RV makers don't have a lock on strange names. There's an SUV called Armada which was apparently named after a bunch of ships that sank. Another is named Avalanche, apparently after what is generally considered a natural disaster.traffic

Sadly, to my knowledge there is no vehicle named cow … although perhaps Kia is the Korean word for cow. I don't know. Incidentally, a cow is not a bull, so Lamborghini fans need not write.

I say sadly because I think there should be a vehicle named Cow. Cows, after all, are generally good natured and seem to lead lives with very little stress. If you saw something on the road with an emblem from the Cow Automotive Group, I don't think you'd have to worry about the driver breaking out in road rage.

On the other hand, someone driving a Corvette, a car named after a type of warship, is likely to be tailgating you. He needs to go fast in his go-fast car.

I mention this because this week happens to be the week when Corvette owners from all over the country converge in the Black Hills and the roads a full of these sleek sports cars. These cars range from the great old classics from the 1950s to the newest 200MPH boy toys. It's like a rolling car show.

The Black Hills are always a favorite destination for folks with adult toys costing more than $100, be it cars, motorbikes, snowmobiles, off-road thingies and, yes, even RVs.

I've noticed that almost all of these people have one thing in common: gray hair. The reason seems best explained by a license plate seen on a 'Vette here this week: “SRY KIDS” … which, I'm told, reads “sorry kids”. A sly way of telling the kids the old folks just spent their inheritance.

Vanity plates are popular with car buffs but figuring out the meaning can be tricky. Try this one: “10SNE1” … “Tennis Anyone?” Some are brutally honest: “MAN GONE” or “GOT HIS” … both of which suggest a relationship that soured. Some, which I won't mention, must have slipped by the young ladies at the various departments of motor vehicles. Their bosses, who one suspects are dirty old men, should be the ones checking vanity plate requests.

But getting back to cows. It really is time that the automotive world gives these fine animals the vehicle they deserve. Cows are gentle animals with few bad habits save flatulence and the occasional drops of huge, wet and smelly pies. Perhaps if more vehicles were named after good-natured animals, fewer drivers would be stressed. Just a thought.

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